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Why and how to encourage openness to learning

One of the traits that should be inculcated in children is arguably the importance of keeping an open mind. Why is this so? Well, keeping an open mind means being able to enjoy and welcome new experiences, which result in learning something new. Imagine two different children – one goes out of the house to play and makes friends and embraces new experiences by which he or she is enriched by, and these experiences go on to form the basis of newer experiences which result in the child having a good all-rounded childhood. The other stays home and does not try, does not want to extend himself or herself. Being around the second child is very tiring because you are trying to motivate him or her all the time and not really getting much out of it.

But how do you yourself feel when you have to learn something new? The thought of a new experience perhaps depends on what the experience itself is – if it is something closer to our hearts, we feel a sense of excitement at it. But if it is appears to be something more radical, we are less certain (“okay…..”). But it is good to keep an open mind, for the reasons we have explored above. And in situations where we have a sense of reservation, or even caution at the thought of learning something unfamiliar, it is good to appear to try, so that we do not pass on our reservations and slightly negative approaches on to the children. The extension of oneself is a life-long skill that everyone – not just children – should learn.

In a new situation, our initial reaction could be of unwillingness, and then some people overcome it, while others are content to remain within it. We must try to find the will to overcome it, and not dwell on the initial negative outlook.

How do we encourage our children to keep an open mind? The first is of course to develop the trait within ourselves. And then encourage our children to try. Trying is possibly one of the best skills to encourage our children to do. And we could set up situations where the trying is more important than the achievement itself. For this reason, it is good idea to encourage the attainment of skills, where there is not necessarily a fixed final product, but one where the child is free to determine what he or she wants to achieve using the skills of learning.

For example, if we encourage a child to tinker on an instrument, such as a drum or tambourine, show them how it makes noise and what they can do with it, and them leave with it, rather than instruct them with a “do this” pattern and keep drilling them to achieve it. That is not learning, and that form of learning is closed, where the input of the child is seconded to the expected product. It does not breed openness; on the other hand, it builds a layer of negative receptivity.

There are various skills that are good for building an attitude of openness to life. Dance, for example, is good. Let children experience music and create their own dance. Painting or drawing is another – show them how to use the brushes or pencils and colours and let them create what they want, then appraise in a non-judgemental way. Modelling and duplo bricks are also viewed as creative products because there is no one correct way. And in the little things in life, try to encourage a different way of doing things. If your child likes running, try to encourage him or her to run a different path, or do it hopping or backwards if they can manage it! Look for ways to be creative, to build openness to learning. It is a beneficial skill for life.

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Different Parenting Styles

We often talk about the kind of child we have, but how often do you hear of someone talking about the kind of parents there are? Here are some common types.

The Pause Parent
Pause Parents somehow manage to stay calm when their children aren’t getting on, even if they’re hurling abuse at each other. This is quite a feat, because sibling squabbles drive most parents crazy. The noise is exasperating and there’s always the worry that they might really hurt each other. Instinctively, most parents intervene when there’s an argument.

But Pause Parents know that if you dive straight in, you can inadvertently make things worse. You might take sides where you shouldn’t, say horrible things you don’t mean or mete out punishments you regret later. By keeping calm, Pause Parents give themselves a chance to think through what’s going wrong and the best way to solve it.

We’re not talking about disasters here. If someone is being tormented to the point of tears or given a black eye, of course Pause Parents would break it up immediately. But they try not to let low-level, everyday bickering get to them. They know how effective it can be to stay quiet and sort it out later when everyone is feeling more rational. Even natural Pause Parents can sometimes find it difficult not to interfere when their children fight. But by zipping their lip and saying nothing, they often get amazing results.

The Cheerleader Parent
Cheerleader Parents are great at fostering good relationships between siblings by being positive. They notice when their children are kind or thoughtful towards each other and try to ignore it when they aren’t. Like Pause Parents, they resist the urge to get involved every time their children bicker and they give them lots of positive attention the minute they start being more friendly. This encourages siblings to treat each other nicely and reinforces the bonds between them.

Cheerleader Parents use lots of specific praise to make each child feel appreciated and special for who they are. They know that when their children feel good about themselves, they’re less likely to be competitive. They also try very hard not to label or compare their children with phrases like, ‘He’s my well-behaved one,’ or ‘She’s always naughty.’ They realize that each child has a good side and a bad side, and that it’s natural for them to show both at different times.

The Tuned-In Parent
Tuned-In Parents know that conflicting emotions are often the root cause of sibling arguments. They’re brilliant at helping children process the feelings behind jealousy, meanness, attention-seeking or whatever it is that’s making them turn against each other. Once they acknowledge the feelings behind bad behaviour, they know better behaviour often follows.

So when their children argue, Tuned-In Parents try listening to each one of them in turn. Once children feel understood, they’re more likely to stop fighting. Even better, they may begin to understand the other’s point of view, which will help them build a better relationship in the long term.

The Physical Parent
Physical Parents know that when their children feel well, they’re more likely to get on with each other. They’re more tolerant and less irritable if they have regular exercise, good food and enough sleep.

So instead of looking for deep psychological reasons for rivalry, Physical Parents keep them off junk food, shoo them out of the house to play and get them to bed on time. They find that this can stop frustration and resentments from building up. These parents are also good at being affectionate and showing each child individually how much they’re loved.

The Sorted Parent
Sorted Parents are forward thinkers. They’re great at anticipating trouble between siblings and avert disasters by setting up clear expectations and boundaries. They know it’s much easier to head off problems beforehand, rather than trying to untangle them when everyone’s already wound up. This tactic is particularly useful in big families because of the potential for convoluted disagreements.

Putting in the groundwork ahead of time gives them a better chance of being heard and boosts their authority. When an argument does blow up unexpectedly, they don’t get disheartened. They know they can think through what happened and work out how to prevent it next time. Sorted Parents are also good at teaching their children how to handle frustrations. You may not be able to prevent them from annoying each other, but you can talk through better ways of expressing themselves than snatching, kicking or calling each other names.

The Commando Parent
Commando Parents have natural authority and they’re very good at being in charge. Instead of pleading or nagging their children to stop fighting, they are clear and direct about what behaviour is acceptable and what will happen if they step out of line.

These parents make it very obvious where the boundaries lie and don’t allow niggly disagreements to escalate into something worse. They realize they can’t force children to like each other, but they don’t let their children get away with swearing, thumping, or destroying each other’s stuff.

When trouble does flare up, Commando Parents are very good at containing it quickly. They aren’t shy about stepping in and they’ll certainly enforce consequences if they have to. It can be hard to gain this kind of authority, especially if sibling rivalry is already deep-rooted. But it is possible, and Commando Parents know how to make it happen.

The Laid-Back Parent
Laid-Back Parents are good at encouraging their children to do things for themselves. They don’t feel they have to watch them every minute of the day and solve every one of their problems. They trust that, more often than not, their children will treat each other well and can work through minor disagreements on their own.

Laid-Back Parents know that a certain amount of fighting is not only inevitable, but beneficial. Learning to share, negotiate, handle arguments and cope with jealousy are important parts of growing up, so they feel that if they stepped in every time to arbitrate, they’d be doing their children a disservice.

They’re also happy when their children spend lots of time playing together on their own because they know how good it is for their relationship. These parents aren’t neglectful: they wouldn’t hold back if someone was getting hurt. But most minor bickering doesn’t get to them, because they trust that their children are fine and can sort things out for themselves.

You’ll probably find you are a combination of two of three of these types and adopt different styles depending on the situation. And while the above are stereotypes, you may find it works to know how another kind of parent would act in that situation and how you may amend your parenting style accordingly.