Single Parenting and Music Lessons

How far would you go to live a lie? For one woman in Japan, she has constructed what you might call a web of lies – but all in the hope of a greater good, for her daughter. The woman split from her husband when the girl was born – actually, the husband left and made no attempt at reconciliation or child-support. In some ways single parenting has its advantages if both parents have realised they cannot see eye to eye. The child grows up in an environment that is devoid of arguing, and possibly violence, and one parent can provide some degree of stability that prevents the child becoming anxiety and withdrawn. But on the other hand the lack of a parental figure can cause problems too. There is a lack of parental influence, but also the social awkwardness that comes from meeting peers and their parents and realising you are different.

The afore-mentioned woman hired an actor to play the part of a long-last father seeking a reconciliation. At first the daughter was angry, seeking explanations, and going through the whole gamut of emotions that one would expect her to feel. Then gradually she accepted the man into her life. There have been positives, the mother noted – she is now less anxious, more confident, and less withdrawn not just within herself, but also within the company of her peers. You may conclude that while this seems rather radical an approach, it has been worth it.

But this approach has brought in some other complications too. The man playing the role of her father has doubts about what he is doing, whether he is only complicating the issue – what would happen when the daughter has children? Will they call him Grandpa? How is he going to write himself out of the script without some form of tragedy? And there is an added complication that by virtue of his frequent appearances in the life of the woman and child, even the mother is starting to fall in love with him!

One of the problems single parents face is in giving their children attention. After all, there is one less adult to help bear the load. It may be a good idea for children to take up more leisure pursuits that are good for them, such as team sports, or learning a skill like an instrument. The latter in particular helps to develop practical knowledge in application – that is, it is not just content knowledge, but applied – and it also teaches skills and traits such as perseverance, patience, and drive, all of which help them in future life.

The Piano Teachers Finsbury Park blog has a good article on how children find practice difficult and how to manage their learning. And if you are a single parent, considering giving your children some outlets of expression – asking them to practice each day would give you a break too! It has good tips about making practice attainable and enjoyable!

The power of positive interactions

Encouragement is awesome. Think about it. It has the capacity to lift a man’s or a woman’s shoulders. To breathe fresh air into the fading embers of a smoldering dream. To actually change the course of another human being’s day, week, or life.

Charles Swindoll

How often do you encourage your children? How often do we speak positively to them? Perhaps it might be a good experiment – to note how many times you speak positively to them, and how many times you don’t.

Often we forget that children are little human beings and who respond positively to things, who react better to words of good spirit rather than imperative instructions. “Don’t do this! Don’t touch that! Stop it!” are words we more commonly hear in the interactions with our younger partners in life.

It doesn’t necessarily mean we need to molly-coddle them or baby them. Nor does it mean a lack of discipline. But we can try to make our first interactions or instructions when it comes to a task a more positive one – “Let’s try to do this” – and seek to encourage them to try; to try to do good, to behave well, rather than use the threat of punishment as motivation. Speaking and working positively also encourages a child to try – an important life skill for the future.

Gender inequalities in the workplace are perpetuated from childhood

Women’s careers aren’t just in the ether, they’re on the front pages of newspapers, inside glossy magazines, on the radio, across the internet and they’re being discussed on a daily basis in governments all around the world. It’s amazing that there’s so much buzz around women and careers; people are really talking about women’s rights at work, and attitudes are changing.

Things are getting really exciting for women at work. Sure, if you look at gender-split job statistics, the situation is pretty much as depressing as it’s ever been. But – BIG BUT – the John stat doesn’t account for what’s swirling around the media, and is inside the meeting rooms and minds of career folk (women and men) across the globe. Women have been legally entitled to the same respect, pay and job titles as our male friends and peers for many years and slowly but surely the reality is catching up with the legal framework. We want equality, but we want something more than that too: we want to stay uniquely and wonderfully female. The same pay, yes, opportunities, of course, but we don’t want to have to abandon our femininity at the office revolving door. For us, gender parity does not imply gender uniformity.

While everyone deserves to be received and treated equally at work, women must do it their own way, because being a woman is part of what makes you, you. The side-by-side vision of a naked female and a naked male validates the simple fact of life: we are different versions of the same species. There’s the obvious stuff and then there are the mysterious workings inside our heads. Our brain is arguably the most important thing about us. It makes us human and is the instigator of everything that we think and do. It’s our life control centre, and science tells us that for men and women there are brain wiring variations.

In the past, we’ve been wedded to the notion that men have better connectivity within each hemisphere, whilst women have better connectivity between the hemispheres. In an everyday sense, this explained why men excelled at spatial awareness and women at social cognition and multitasking. Neuroscience is notoriously complex but the latest large-scale research shows that gender brain differences may not be as clear-cut as we were led to believe. While some recent studies suggest no significant difference in crucial parts of the brain at all, the most recent research leads to the centre of the brain – the hippocampus, the part associated with emotion and memory. This is usually larger in men than women, but, without wanting to get too technical, some women have a larger, more male-style hippocampus and some men have one that is smaller and more female in style. This suggests the idea of a continuum of femaleness to maleness for the entire brain. Scientists found that the majority of the brains studied were a mosaic of male and female structures, meaning there is no one type of male or female brain.

I like this because it validates our own stance of overlap. The most successful person in the workplace, research says, is the woman who retains her female brain but who isn’t afraid to borrow some stereotypically male traits when the opportunity requires it. Success isn’t about pitting yourself against a man, it’s about learning to be your best – it’s about finding your place on the continuum and making it rock. Interestingly, brains aren’t fixed organs, they are constantly evolving and changing as we age, depending on how we use them. Neuroplasticity, as it is called, in part explains why little girls end up studying languages and the arts and little boys get filtered into STEM (Science, technology, engineering and mathematics) subjects that frequently lead to more lucrative careers. Repetition reinforces the networks within our brains: baby girls and baby boys might start off with exactly the same brain software, but over time, as we unwittingly encourage boys towards Lego and trucks and girls into social situations that require capable communication skills, the map of association in our childhood brains is sculpted so that the function of the hardware is constantly altered by experience. We lead our girls to dolls and our boys to the top of trees, and then we wonder why society ends up treating women and men differently.

Hormones also play a part in this lifelong divide, as does parental nurture. More interestingly, though, this has a much more subtle impact – it defines what we believe about ourselves. We self-stereotype against ourselves as women, and then we live up to these restrictions.

There is a recent study using Asian-American women that perfectly illustrates the point. The group was divided and set a maths test. Just before the test commenced, half of the group were reminded that they were Asian, invoking the stereotype of Asians having a high maths ability. This half did better in the test. However, when they were reminded of being female (which invokes the stereotype of poor maths performance), they scored lower on the test than the control group. The point is that while men do tend to outperform women in assessments of mathematic ability, for example using the test results of American SATs exams, in reality women aren’t actually worse at maths (see here), we’re just stereotyped into thinking that way.

In the workplace, this presents as women not reaching for leadership positions, or being too conservative in their entrepreneurial expectations for the simple reason that we believe that we don’t belong at the top. We aren’t all professors in waiting, but we should all be able to imagine ourselves where we really want to be at work. Not where society or our stereotyped brains expect us to land. Your career brain, the one you rely on to muster confidence, the one that assists you in awkward networking situations, pay negotiations and everything else in between, may not currently be on your side and thats in part due to stereotyping and nurture. When you know the reasoning behind where your brain is at, it allows you to make positive changes to redirect those channels – to change the hardware, so that your brain (your unconscious thinking) is aligned to your reach-for-the-stars career dreams.

Glass ceiling? Or glass half empty

Have you achieved all of your ambitions? When you look at the senior management in your company, are there as many women at the top as there are men? And the very top job, is it usually held by a woman? It would be no surprise if you answered no to at least one of these questions. It wouldn’t be a surprise at all if the answer to all of these questions was no.

A major report into the proportion of women on boards was published in late 2015. The Davies Report examined the approach to increase representation of women on boards in the UK and around the world. The UK is doing better than it used to. Appointments of women at board level to FTSE 100 companies have reached a new high at over a quarter: now 26 per cent are women. Look down a level, and the FTSE 250 has a proportion of just under 20 per cent.

The report’s author, Lord Davies, a former banker in his sixties, is delighted at this progress. New targets are being set for a third of directors to be women by 2020. The last time we looked women made up more than 50 per cent of the population. The proportion of women on boards is evidently rising. Yet most of the women on boards in the statistics are in non-executive, part-time positions. There are only 26 executive women directors on FTSE 100 boards – that’s just 9.6 per cent. This does not indicate a pipeline for executive women on boards. Nor does it show that there is a level playing field for women to get promoted, and to achieve the careers that they deserve.

Women in work in the UK – and there are 14.5 million of them – are still not getting the same opportunities to reach the top as men. Outside the UK, the Davies Report shows a similar picture. Norway, where a quota system has been adopted, has the most women on boards, at 35 per cent. Denmark and Germany have just over one-fifth. Then numbers dwindle. The USA has 16.9 per cent, Australia 16.2 per cent, Ireland 12.7 per cent and India 12.1 per cent. Again, let us remind ourselves, these are in countries where women have always made up at least half of the population.

Not everyone in work wants to be managing director or CEO. And not every woman wants to be managing director, CEO or in any senior role. But if they do want to, then they should have the same chance to do so as men. With such large proportions of women in the workforce overall, so many millions, it is really difficult to believe that so many of them lack the ambition or ability to reach senior levels of management.

Women are not a minority in any respect, apart from in the boardroom. What is really going on, and, more to the point, what can we do about it? There is a secret that no one wants to admit. Thousands of words have been written, numerous courses have been run. In workplaces across the world the recurring questions of ‘Why did that happen?’, ‘Is it just me?’ and ‘Does that seem fair?’ play in the minds of women of all ages and roles. The fact is that there isn’t any fairness in the way that the workplace functions for women, and women need tips, tactics and strategies that will help you get the career they deserve. Not necessarily to get to the top of organisations – because lots of women don’t see that as the path they want to follow. It is about getting you a career that you enjoy, with the seniority you deserve, and in which your contribution is recognised. We also know that there are men in the workplace who want the tools to make this contribution possible. They see the talent pool around them, and they see the individuals that can help the organisation thrive. Their difficulty is in being able to understand what is going on and how they can contribute to making it better, and in ensuring that they are part of making long-lasting changes that create permanent shifts in the workplace.

The workplace isn’t the only part of society where women have failed to play a full part. In the UK, women have been able to stand for Parliament since 1918. It was only in 1997 that the number of female MPs reached double figures. To date there have only ever, in total, been 450 women MPs, a figure below the number of men elected in 2015 alone (459). Worldwide, there are only forty-four countries where the representation of women stands at 30 per cent or more.

In Germany, a country led by one of the world’s most powerful women, the percentage of female representation is 31 per cent. So it isn’t just your problem. In the 1980s, there was a good deal of talk about the glass ceiling and the fact that it was now shattered. There was a woman prime minister in the UK. Equality for women in the workforce was a legal fact, ever since the gender equality act in 1970. There were a few women bosses around, and there were sure to be more of them as they came through the system. Although most bosses were middle-aged men in suits, it was clear that the future for women bosses was bright. A new dawn was on the way, a future where you would expect half of the management of every company to be women, and that every other CEO would occasionally wear a skirt to work.

But has the equality perceived in the 1980s materialised and evolved since then? You be the judge. My opinion is that we still are a long way from that.

Can you make a living online?

Can you make it big as a YouTube sensation? Can you ever quit the day job, the one that purportedly causes you grief, and replace with a seemingly more interesting career, such as singing or posting internet videos?

Lots of people – women, in particular – seem to think so. Internet video sites – chief among them YouTube – are awash with videos of people posting on any topic of interest, and music videos of them performing their favourite song.

How is it possible to make a living from posting videos? That probably goes against what many people in traditional jobs have been brought up to believe.

The underlying dynamic about maing a living from posting videos is this. You are trying to get people to watch your vidoes. And it is not just about watching your video, but making them watch the entire video.

People that supposedly make a living from YouTube videos get paid depending on how long people watch their video for. If someone clicks on your video link and then clicks away after ten seconds, you’d have earned less that if someone watched three minutes of it.

Making a living from videos is also about making money from advertising. You can monetise your YouTube channel so that ads appear, perhaps at the start or somewhere in the middle, and if viewers are interested in your video enough to tolerate the ads you allow for, then you are rewarded for both.

What really helps if you have large viewership. If one thousand people watch a three-minute video each day, you could be raking in the cash. But you won’t get one thousand fans overnight, like a newspaper, readership is something you have to cultivate. Which is why a lot of people start working on their YouTube channels while they are still in other jobs, so that the moment they decide to take the plunge making a living online, they have paid their dues.

Making videos is one of the ways you can make a living online. Another is writing and starting up blogs. Both pretty much rely on readership and advertising, and on building up large numbers of readers. And for that reason, you’re going to have to read or blog or video-log about topics that people are going to be interested in, in the first place.

This is why you see an abundance of make-up videos and beauty tips in videos. That is a good starting point for women. After that, you can branch out to other fields. Zoella Suggs started out with beauty tips, got even more interest from her participation in The Great British Bake Off, secured a book deal and moved on to being an author. It is about leveraging interest in one field to springboard to another.

Most women blogs and YouTube channels deal with make-up, beauty tips, home-working, early retirement and travelling on a budget. Starting a YouTube channel with one of these themes is usually a good way to begin.

Sometimes people also start blogs or video channels to market their products. What products? Some may be beauty products, from which they earn commissions from. Or if you are looking for a digital product, an online course (usually on “How to make a living from YouTube”) is usually quite popular.

If you have not got the patience or time to build a big readership, there is another alternative you can try. You can make covers of other famous songs and hope that someone out there will notice your video and offer you either a singing job, or a contract. After all, young Justin Bieber was discovered when he was little via his videos on YouTube. But if you don’t like singing, or like to be videoed singing, and have a talent playing an instrument instead, you could make a cover of the song on your instrument. Piano covers seem to be popular, because on the piano you can play the tune and accompaniment at the same time.

In both cases you can also register your covers to be sold. Now, there are strict rules about selling other people’s work as your own, but in the case of music, you can apply for a mechanical license to market your covers. Really? Yes! You can apply for it via the Harry Fox Agency, indicate whose song you are covering and how many copies you intend to sell, and then the right to market it is dealt with for you – the royalties you pay to the original artist are taken care of you.

Thinking of becoming the next YouTube sensation? Start while you are still in education, or still in your existing job so that you develop a fan base that you can sell advertising to. Use your channel to sell advertising and secondary products, such as courses and music covers. And you never know, when you become well known enough, something else may come out of it – singing contract, book deal or theatre or movie role!

Why are women attracted to the idea of making an online living? Unfortunately this arises from having to balance work, family and children – and guilt. During the normal working hours we have to be responsible for children, so we have to look for other ways to restructure work around it. An online income offers another means of flexible living.

Want to work flexibly? Consider freelance writing

If you are one of the many women with children then it is likely that the work life balance is one of the challenges that has crossed your mind. How do you work while you have children? Do you place them in childcare while you work? Do you encounter guilt, and if so, could you face it? If you are one of the fortunate women whose husbands earn enough for you not to work, then good for you! But most women at some point will have to figure out how to balance work and children without going mad in the process.

Many women may decide to work flexibly. Now, flexible may take on many meanings. One woman’s flexible may not be the same as another’s. To some women, working flexibly may mean working three out of five days every week. To another, it may mean a five day working week but shorter hours each day. To a third, it may mean the complete freedom to choose the hours of work. To a fourth it could mean being renumerated on a per piece basis, meaning being paid on the production of an article or completion of a job rather than on an hourly basis. The possibilities are endless.

Most women have to work flexibly in order to accomodate their children. The other alternative is to place them in childcare (which, to be honest, is fine if the level of play is stimulating enough) or with an au pair, but unless they have really high-powered jobs that they cannot really give up then most women will seemingly reduce the hours at work in order to focus on their children or try to work flexibly from home.

What kinds of jobs allow you to work flexibly? The first type is a traditional job where you are not required at the office every day, or one where you go in one or two days less but still catch up with the work at home on the other days. Employers siometimes prefer this arrangement because it means you work for free for them, but at the same time you are benefiting from being able to spend time with your children.

The second is one where you work shorter hours at your traditional job, or do a job share. A job share is one where your work is paired with another colleague, so that you both do the work but there is a certain amount of liaising to make sure that the handing over of the job is as smooth as possible. There might not be any significant impact to the employer, in terms of cost, but some women prefer that because it is a way of keeping your foot in the door, of holding on to your job while working reduced hours in the expectation that your hours may increase in the future when the children have grown up and are back at school.

Does your job allow you to pick the hours you work? If so, you are possibly self-employed, or your job is computer-based, and you have a relatively forgiving employer and that speed is not an essence in your job. Such jobs may be such as accounting, or conveyancing, where immediacy is not really a crucial factor. Some people rationalise that the more flexible your work, the more project-based or managerial it is.

But what if you are fairly junior in your company and your boss would not entertain the idea of flexible working? You may decide to strike it out on your own. Many women have gone down this path and one of the popular choices, supposedly one where you can make a living, is blogging or writing online. It is a complete career change’

How do you make a living from writing? Is it even possible?

It might not be as easy or as difficult as you think it is. You can write and develop a large readership, then leverage on your fans by advertising on your site, and getting kickbacks in the process. Some companies may pay you if you write a blog post about their product and then publish it. It is a different form of establishing an advertising medium.

How long should a blog post be? According to the website www.searchmechaniks.co.uk, the typical blog post need to be long, it can be around 500 words long. Now, 500 words is not as difficult as you think it is. By the time you’ve read this, you’ve arrived at nearly 700 words already.

But building up a blog and developing a readership in order to use it as an advertising medium takes time and commitment. And there are times when you will question why you are doing it. Writing about your life may not be the theme to start from. After all, every one has a life and not everyone may necessarily be interested in yours. Rather than writing about your own life and then hoping you will build up a large readership – because there will always be celebrities and others in the limelight whose lives are much more interesting – write about things people are interested in. It may not necessarily be what you are good at. But people will always be interested in things such as finance, business, working from home, making income – and these are useful starting points for a blog.

Having children may force you to make career changes, and if your job does not allow you to work flexibly a whole new career change may be in order. A popular avenue is blogging because writing is a career you can easily fit around the demands of looking after children. Being successful in your writing means building up a readership large enough to sell advertising. But it doesn’t necessarily end there. You could write content for websites for companies who are too busy to do it on their own. It takes time, but you may find the balance of being your own boss, a freelance writer and spending time with your children all meets with doing writing as a new career. It may sound like a big step, but it may be one you may find works well for you.

Nurturing emotionally balanced children

What causes you the most stress? If you are a single woman, apparently the greatest stressor could be moving house, even greater than looking for a job or a partner!

And if you had children, child care is likely to be among the top of your concerns. It is not just the hunting down of a good nursery, one that provides adequate care for your child that causes stress, but when they are just there your stress levels do go up slightly, lurking in the background, fearful of a call that says something may have happened. The lack of control over the midst important things is a recipe for heightened stress.

And if you were expecting? Try not to get too stressed.

Researchers have found that mothers who have stressful second trimesters are prone to transferring these thoughts of anxiety and stress to their unborn child. In a study conducted by the University of California, a group of women were monitored throughout their pregnancies and those who reported experiencing stressful situations in that period later had children who were more sensitive to stress triggers. That is to say, the children were more prone to anger and behavioural issues as well as mood swings.

What can you do if you are pregnant? Well, for starters, be a little selfish and look after yourself. Actually that is not being selfish, it is a way of looking after your unborn child and shielding it from stresses that it cannot really deal with. In a dark world that echoes with muted sounds, the unborn child learns to interpret your reactions and feels how you do. How you feel and react to things around you are passed on to the child.

If you just happen to have a stressful pregnancy, all is not lost though. The researchers found that with the correct post natural care, babies whose mothers experienced stressful pregnancies can attune to a calm world around them and develop a sense of calm so that their stress receptors are not overly active.

Children develop in response to the world around them. They physically experience stress triggers from the environment around, but if the mother is calm, then this association and state of reaction is synapsed into the child’s psyche. How you deal with stress as the child’s mother influences how the child reacts to it. A calming motherly influence can go a long way into preventing a child from developing behavioural problems in the later life.

Women of Inspiration: Isabel Allende

Isabel Allende was born in Lima, Peru. She is the author of twenty-three books in her native Spanish, which have been translated into thirty-five languages. Her award-winning works include The House of the Spirits, City of the Beasts and the international bestseller, Paula.

Allende has received numerous awards, including the 2010 Chilean National Prize for Literature and the 2014 United States’ Presidential Medal of Freedom. In 1996 – in memory of her daughter, Paula – Allende established the Isabel Allende Foundation to support initiatives aimed at preserving the rights of women and children.

‘People have this idea that we come to the world to acquire things – love, fame, goods, whatever. In fact, we come to this world to lose everything.’

Q. What really matters to you?

It’s people – women especially. I have been a feminist – a feminine feminist – all my life, and my main mission has been to care for women; I have a foundation that works for the empowerment of women and girls. Justice matters to me. And stories – I love to listen to people’s stories.

Q. What brings you happiness?

Love, romance, passion, sex, family, dogs, friends – all that brings me happiness.

Q. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

On a universal level – speaking outwardly – I would say that there are many depths of misery, but the worst is probably slavery. When you are a victim of absolute power and are living in constant fear, that is the worst.

On a personal level, I would say that the lowest depth of misery is when something happens to your child and you have absolutely no power to control it. It is when your child is behind a door and you don’t know what someone is doing to her – when you have no say, when you can’t be there and when you can’t even touch her.

My daughter, Paula, had a rare genetic condition called porphyria, which my son and my grandchildren also have. It is manageable and should not be lethal at all. Paula took very good care of herself but, when she was newly married and living in Madrid, she had a porphyria crisis. She went to the hospital, and they f**ked up the whole thing: they gave her the wrong drugs so she fell into a coma, then they didn’t monitor the coma, then they tried to hide their negligence.

For five months, I lived in the corridors of the hospital waiting for them to bring my daughter back to me, and everybody kept promising that she would open her eyes and recover. She suffered severe brain damage. By the time they admitted this and gave me back my daughter, I decided to bring her back to the United States. She was married, but her husband was a young man who couldn’t take care of her. I told him that, in her condition, she was like a newborn baby. I said, ‘Give her back to me.’ He did – that’s something that I will always be grateful for. I was able to bring her back to California on a commercial flight – today that would be impossible, but this was before 9/11. I sectioned off a part of the plane, and we flew with a nurse and all the necessary equipment.

But how do you come into a country with a person who can’t apply for a visa? We came to Washington, DC, where Senator Ted Kennedy sent two people from his staff to wait for me at the airport – I don’t know how, but they got us in. When we got to California, we went directly to the hospital. After a month, it was absolutely certain that Paula wasn’t going to react to anything. She was in a vegetative state, so I brought her home and decided that I would take care of her – because that’s what mothers do. I created a little hospital in the house, and I trained myself – we had her there until she died.

That experience, culminating in Paula’s death, changed me completely. It happened when I turned fifty, which is the end of youth. Menopause followed, so it hit me at a moment when I was ready to change, to finally mature. Up to that point, I had been an internal adolescent. It made me throw everything that was not essential in my life overboard. I let go of everything. With Paula, for example, I let go of her voice, of her charm, of her humour. I cut her hair short, then, eventually, I let go of her body and her spirit, then everything was gone. I learned the lesson that I am not in control.

People have this idea that we come to the world to acquire things – love, fame, goods, whatever. In fact, we come to this world to lose everything. When we go, we have nothing and we can take nothing with us. Paula gave me many gifts: the gift of generosity, the gift of patience and the gift of letting go – of acceptance.

Because there are things you can’t change: I couldn’t change the military coup in Chile or the terror brought about by Pinochet; I can’t change Trump; I can’t change the fate of my grandchildren; I can’t change Paula’s death; I can’t even change my dog!

Now, no matter what happens, it is nothing by comparison to the experience of Paula’s death. I loved my husband intensely, for many, many years, but two years ago we separated. When people wanted to commiserate, I thought, ‘This is not even 10 per cent of what I went through with Paula.’ Nothing could be so brutal, to me, at least. It gave me freedom, in a way. It gave me strength and an incredible resilience I never had before.

Prior to that, many things could have wiped me out. ‘Love, romance, passion, sex, family, dogs, friends – all that brings me happiness.’

Q. What would you change if you could?

I would change the patriarchy – end it! All my life, I have worked towards a more egalitarian world, one in which both men and women are managing our global society – a place in which feminine values are as important as masculine values.

Q. Which single word do you most identify with? Generosity. Years ago, my therapist said that I had very low self-esteem. He told me to go to ten people and ask them to write five things about me – whatever they wanted. It was a very difficult thing to request from people; it seemed like an exercise in vanity and narcissism, but I did it. Everybody mentioned generosity as my first trait, so maybe there is something true in that. The mantra of my foundation is, ‘What is the most generous thing to do?’ This is because of my daughter. She was a very special person and a psychologist. Whenever I was going through something trying, she would ask me what the most generous action I could take was. She used to say, ‘You only have what you give.’