What food advertisements may reveal to us

You see lots of things advertised on public transport. Step into a London underground tube carriage and what do you see? Ads for musicals, food, places to go, money – and whatever you think of the advertisments, you can’t disagree that there is a captive audience. Bored people will glance up and take note of the advertisements, and even if you don’t commit to buy, the ads will have made an impression on your mind, that may induce you at a later stage to a purchase by a somewhat circuituous route.

But if you consider that advertisements are placed where they can have the most result, then their target market exists within the boundaries. Simply to say, if a tube carriage contains certain types of advertisements, then the advertisers must believe that their clientele exists there. You wouldn’t advertise a pregnancy test kit in a senior citizens’ magazine.

So what can the advertisements on tube carriages tell us?

Some believe that the ads can tell us various things. One of them is our relationship to food. Where in the past, people used to believe that sitting down to dinner was a daily affair, not it is believed that it is okay to sit up alone and indulge yourself in front of the TV and social media catchup. In other words, the number of takeaway ads suggest that the social side to eating is gone. People no longer sit at a table together to talk. Eating is lesson of a social expereience than belore.

Some suggest that the elimination of a social experience of dining is more further advanced that before. Eating is that annoying thing you have to do to stay alive. It is almost like eating gets in the way of work and going home. Considering the number of hours that people now work, the advertising of a takeaway meal to solven life’s annoying need to have to eat to say alive is symptomatic of that fact we work really long hours nowadays.

So that is what food ads on the tube can tell you. Sitting down at a table is too long, and gets in the way of work. It tells us we are working longer hours overall.

But bear in mind that what you see only tells one side of the story. The following is a case in point. The music composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was always thought to be an extrovert. But it turns out that he was depressed, and prone to bouts of introspection too. (You can read more about Mozart from the Piano Teacher N8 website using this link.

Perhaps tube advertisements about food only tell us one side of the story, and a closer examination of other things around might yield a better picture. Still worth a thought though!

The power of positive interactions

Encouragement is awesome. Think about it. It has the capacity to lift a man’s or a woman’s shoulders. To breathe fresh air into the fading embers of a smoldering dream. To actually change the course of another human being’s day, week, or life.

Charles Swindoll

How often do you encourage your children? How often do we speak positively to them? Perhaps it might be a good experiment – to note how many times you speak positively to them, and how many times you don’t.

Often we forget that children are little human beings and who respond positively to things, who react better to words of good spirit rather than imperative instructions. “Don’t do this! Don’t touch that! Stop it!” are words we more commonly hear in the interactions with our younger partners in life.

It doesn’t necessarily mean we need to molly-coddle them or baby them. Nor does it mean a lack of discipline. But we can try to make our first interactions or instructions when it comes to a task a more positive one – “Let’s try to do this” – and seek to encourage them to try; to try to do good, to behave well, rather than use the threat of punishment as motivation. Speaking and working positively also encourages a child to try – an important life skill for the future.

Gender inequalities in the workplace are perpetuated from childhood

Women’s careers aren’t just in the ether, they’re on the front pages of newspapers, inside glossy magazines, on the radio, across the internet and they’re being discussed on a daily basis in governments all around the world. It’s amazing that there’s so much buzz around women and careers; people are really talking about women’s rights at work, and attitudes are changing.

Things are getting really exciting for women at work. Sure, if you look at gender-split job statistics, the situation is pretty much as depressing as it’s ever been. But – BIG BUT – the John stat doesn’t account for what’s swirling around the media, and is inside the meeting rooms and minds of career folk (women and men) across the globe. Women have been legally entitled to the same respect, pay and job titles as our male friends and peers for many years and slowly but surely the reality is catching up with the legal framework. We want equality, but we want something more than that too: we want to stay uniquely and wonderfully female. The same pay, yes, opportunities, of course, but we don’t want to have to abandon our femininity at the office revolving door. For us, gender parity does not imply gender uniformity.

While everyone deserves to be received and treated equally at work, women must do it their own way, because being a woman is part of what makes you, you. The side-by-side vision of a naked female and a naked male validates the simple fact of life: we are different versions of the same species. There’s the obvious stuff and then there are the mysterious workings inside our heads. Our brain is arguably the most important thing about us. It makes us human and is the instigator of everything that we think and do. It’s our life control centre, and science tells us that for men and women there are brain wiring variations.

In the past, we’ve been wedded to the notion that men have better connectivity within each hemisphere, whilst women have better connectivity between the hemispheres. In an everyday sense, this explained why men excelled at spatial awareness and women at social cognition and multitasking. Neuroscience is notoriously complex but the latest large-scale research shows that gender brain differences may not be as clear-cut as we were led to believe. While some recent studies suggest no significant difference in crucial parts of the brain at all, the most recent research leads to the centre of the brain – the hippocampus, the part associated with emotion and memory. This is usually larger in men than women, but, without wanting to get too technical, some women have a larger, more male-style hippocampus and some men have one that is smaller and more female in style. This suggests the idea of a continuum of femaleness to maleness for the entire brain. Scientists found that the majority of the brains studied were a mosaic of male and female structures, meaning there is no one type of male or female brain.

I like this because it validates our own stance of overlap. The most successful person in the workplace, research says, is the woman who retains her female brain but who isn’t afraid to borrow some stereotypically male traits when the opportunity requires it. Success isn’t about pitting yourself against a man, it’s about learning to be your best – it’s about finding your place on the continuum and making it rock. Interestingly, brains aren’t fixed organs, they are constantly evolving and changing as we age, depending on how we use them. Neuroplasticity, as it is called, in part explains why little girls end up studying languages and the arts and little boys get filtered into STEM (Science, technology, engineering and mathematics) subjects that frequently lead to more lucrative careers. Repetition reinforces the networks within our brains: baby girls and baby boys might start off with exactly the same brain software, but over time, as we unwittingly encourage boys towards Lego and trucks and girls into social situations that require capable communication skills, the map of association in our childhood brains is sculpted so that the function of the hardware is constantly altered by experience. We lead our girls to dolls and our boys to the top of trees, and then we wonder why society ends up treating women and men differently.

Hormones also play a part in this lifelong divide, as does parental nurture. More interestingly, though, this has a much more subtle impact – it defines what we believe about ourselves. We self-stereotype against ourselves as women, and then we live up to these restrictions.

There is a recent study using Asian-American women that perfectly illustrates the point. The group was divided and set a maths test. Just before the test commenced, half of the group were reminded that they were Asian, invoking the stereotype of Asians having a high maths ability. This half did better in the test. However, when they were reminded of being female (which invokes the stereotype of poor maths performance), they scored lower on the test than the control group. The point is that while men do tend to outperform women in assessments of mathematic ability, for example using the test results of American SATs exams, in reality women aren’t actually worse at maths (see here), we’re just stereotyped into thinking that way.

In the workplace, this presents as women not reaching for leadership positions, or being too conservative in their entrepreneurial expectations for the simple reason that we believe that we don’t belong at the top. We aren’t all professors in waiting, but we should all be able to imagine ourselves where we really want to be at work. Not where society or our stereotyped brains expect us to land. Your career brain, the one you rely on to muster confidence, the one that assists you in awkward networking situations, pay negotiations and everything else in between, may not currently be on your side and thats in part due to stereotyping and nurture. When you know the reasoning behind where your brain is at, it allows you to make positive changes to redirect those channels – to change the hardware, so that your brain (your unconscious thinking) is aligned to your reach-for-the-stars career dreams.

Using colour to bring out your traits

These days, among other things, there is such a vast selection of clothing options that every one of us has the possibility of finding items that bring out the best in us. Despite this, however, so many of us find ourselves confronting the daily dilemma of “What am I going to wear today?”, and all too often our choices leave us underwhelmed or at least partially so.

We often see young women in the street wearing clothes that are perfectly formed for their physique, each one of them wearing up-to-the-minute fashion, and yet they are anything but alluring or beautiful. The reason for these failures lies essentially in the fact that when we follow the trends, we very often find ourselves forgetting the importance of sticking to our own style, which is fundamental if we want to craft an image that not only keeps us satisfied but also profoundly reflects us, highlighting our physique as well as our character. Only style, in the end, is able to fully bring out our best. As Coco Chanel said, “Fashion changes, but style endures”. And so it’s style, not fashion, that we have to follow.

Finding your own style is, at the end of the day, really quite simple. There’s just one key: truly embracing your own sense of femininity. In truth, there are many ways to be a woman, and each one of these perfectly corresponds to a well-defined style born from the fusion of our aesthetic taste and our own personality. It’s precisely because of this that we can say that it’s enough to simply reach into our own way of being a woman and our character to find the style that brings out the most in us—the one that fits us the best.

But what does that even mean? It means, in other words, that if we consciously gear our aesthetic choices toward styles that reflect who we are, with just a teensy bit of effort we will be able to achieve our most personalized style, which will have a double advantage.

On the one hand, it will help us make the most out of ourselves aesthetically, and on the other hand, it will help us understand ourselves even better, something that can only happen if our style is in sync with our nature. In selecting our look—for example, when we pick out our daily outfit—personality is of far more importance than the use of aesthetic ideals, which may be formally irreproachable but are not personalized in any way. I’m sure you’ve seen a friend for whom look is usually not of huge importance all dressed up for an important occasion and looking no more attractive than usual and even looking clumsy and impeded by clothes in which she clearly feels uncomfortable. This is the most evident proof of how important it is to always follow your own personal style, one that descends from your own inner nature and personality, pairing this rule with some necessary technical suggestions to enhance your physical characteristics.

In and of itself, as you can see, the concept is pretty simple. What’s a bit less simple is translating it into something that can be readily put into use. To better understand what this means, let’s try to shed some light on it with a comparison of the colour of a simple piece of clothing. Take an everlasting colour: blue, for example. Without a doubt, this is a classic colour that goes well with practically anything, one that everyone tends to like.

Each one of us, however, will use the colour blue in a slightly different way. This is because each one of us will chose a different tonality of blue, even if that hue varies only just slightly, and also because despite using the same colour, we will always choose combinations that will make it seem different. A woman with a more exuberant character will tend to prefer, for instance, more brightly lit tonalities, almost electric blue. The traditionalist wills her preference to the classic navy blue. A woman with a more romantic nature will match her blue with pink floral patterns, and so it goes. This selection process usually gets carried out in a completely spontaneous and unconscious way, at least for the simplest of choices, such as colour or pattern.

But if we apply it to our whole personal look in a deliberately conscious way, our decisions will have the effect of clearly highlighting what fits and matches us the best and what brings out the best in us. If we focus on the most significant aspects of our personality and our character and combine them with the choices that bring out the magic of our body type, we will then be able to zero in on the most suitable look for us, avoiding having closets stuffed to the brim with clothes that we will never even think about putting on.

The end result? Allowing us to have a curated choice rather than an unlimited one. A closet overflowing with clothes and accessories, rather than giving us the opportunity to have the most perfect outfit for every occasion, instead drains us of our energy as we waste time choosing and mixing up our ideas; it can leave us feeling indecisive.

In contrast, having but just the right amount of clothing for us allows us to always roll on the safe side of things and feel “right” in every occasion. The idea came to me while I was observing my dearest friends; I realized how for each certain type of character, there was a corresponding well-defined understanding of image and self-care.

As I mentioned at the start, the styles are not picked out like the typically understood aesthetic standards, but instead they should be seen as the many facets of the diverse ways of expressing your own femininity. For this reason in particular, they transcend the trends of the day and the passage of time. This allows us to be, in every moment and in all occasions, authentically fascinating and spontaneously feminine. Because it’s truly our femininity—and let’s not forget it—that at once contains and reveals the charme of every woman.

So in short, don’t dress to suit fashion. Dress the bring out characteristics of yourself you want to emphasise. And the way you dress can help you not only attract a future partner, but also help you advance up the career ladder too.

Handling a Breakup Positively

Brеаkuрѕ are ѕеldоm easy аnd rаrеlу hарру оссаѕіоnѕ. In thе bеgіnnіng, іt mау seem vеrу dіffісult tо get over but you dеfіnіtеlу wіll fіnd thе tіmе аnd thе reason. Tо hеlр you hаndlе a brеаkuр and lessen thе раіn аnd possible negative rереrсuѕѕіоnѕ, hеrе аrе ѕоmе things you can dо:

A gооd wау to hаndlе a brеаkuр іѕ tо keep thіngѕ аmісаblе. Brеаkuрѕ don’t hаvе tо bе mаdе up оf nasty fіghtѕ, hаrѕh words аnd rеvеngе рlоtѕ. If уоu саmе into a rеlаtіоnѕhір іn a good wау, уоu саn try to get out оf іt nісеlу. Dоn’t rub ѕаlt into аn already bаd wound. Wouldn’t іt bе bеttеr to lоѕе a lоvеr and win a frіеnd than losing еvеrуthіng?

Dоn’t play the blаmе game; this is nоt a good wау tо hаndlе a breakup. Blaming each оthеr wіll create nеgаtіvе fееlіngѕ аnd еvеn make уоu rеgrеt a lоt оf thіngѕ thаt you ѕhоuldn’t hаvе said in the fіrѕt рlасе. Tаkе rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr thе раrt уоu played іn thе relationship, bоth for іtѕ ѕuссеѕѕ аnd for іtѕ fаіlurе, but don’t bе too hаrѕh оn yourself оr оn уоur ѕооn-tо-bе еx. Bу kееріng your ѕеlf-еѕtееm іntасt, уоu don’t leave rооm fоr bіttеrnеѕѕ аnd уоu will lеаrn hоw tо handle a break up properly.

Another way to hаndlе a breakup іѕ to аvоіd ѕееіng only thе hole in thе dоughnut. Rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ еnd fоr many reasons аnd whеn yours dоеѕ, don’t just fосuѕ оnlу on the bаd thіngѕ. Remember the things thаt mаdе уоur rеlаtіоnѕhір great аnd bе thаnkful you were оnсе a part оf it. Just dоn’t dwell on іt, thіѕ way уоu саn handle a break uр mоrе easily.

Don’t dо оr ѕау аnуthіng that уоu will rеgrеt lаtеr оn. Whеn emotions аrе hіgh, іt’ѕ a lоt easier tо lеt ѕlір сеrtаіn wоrdѕ or ѕtаtеmеntѕ that mау make уоu fееl bеttеr аbоut the breakup. Unfоrtunаtеlу, this fееlіng doesn’t lаѕt lоng and you mау rеаlіzе lаtеr уоu shouldn’t hаvе even bothered.

Handle a break up wіthоut аnу vіоlеnсе, vеrbаl оr physical. It mау seem the most lоgісаl thing tо do, especially іf уоu’rе angry but іt’ѕ best to аvоіd thеѕе situations. It wіll not оnlу mаkе your раіn wоrѕе, there іѕ аlѕо a possibility уоu mіght fіnd уоurѕеlf аt thе receiving еnd оf сrіmіnаl charges. Thе bеѕt wау to hаndlе a breakup іѕ to mоvе оn. Mоurn your rеlаtіоnѕhір іf you muѕt – thаt’ѕ normal and expected оf you. But dоn’t wallow іn уоur grіеf ѕо muсh thаt уоu fоrgеt уоu ѕtіll hаvе a lіfе tо lіvе аnd thеrе are ѕtіll people whо lоvе you for who уоu аrе. By moving оn, уоu acknowledge thаt the relationship hаѕ ended аnd that уоu аrе giving yourself a сhаnсе to fіnd hарріnеѕѕ аgаіn.

Whіlе уоu are trуіng to hаndlе a breakup, dоn’t аllоw yourself to bе too vulnеrаblе. Aѕ уоu mоvе bасk tо a single life, уоu mіght fееl a little too exposed. Fееlіng vulnerable іѕ nоrmаl – аll of a sudden you аrе back tо bеіng оn уоur оwn, dоіng things аlоnе. Fіnd ѕuрроrt frоm уоur fаmіlу аnd friends. Thеу wіll nоt only help you gеt bасk оn your feet again, thеу wіll аlѕо help уоu rе-еntеr the social ѕсеnе. Dоn’t fоrсе a new rеlаtіоnѕhір juѕt tо fееl lеѕѕ lоnеlу. It’ѕ not оnlу unfаіr tо you, іt’ѕ аlѕо unfаіr to the оthеr реrѕоn. In-bеtwееn relationships mау seem lіkе a terrific ѕtор-gар mеаѕurе and mау рrоvіdе уоu wіth thе kind оf соmраnіоnѕhір you just lоѕt, but thеу wіll nоt rерlасе your оthеr rеlаtіоnѕhір. Each rеlаtіоnѕhір is unіquе so dоn’t try tо fіnd уоur оld flаmе’ѕ qualities іn another реrѕоn. Yоu’rе bоund to bе dіѕарроіntеd аnd you mіght find yourself in a brеаk uр аll оvеr аgаіn.

Your lіfе іѕ tаkіng on a nеw turn. Enjоу it! Thіnk оf thе еnd оf a relationship аѕ a wау tо toss out old thіngѕ аnd аn opportunity to wеlсоmе nеw ones. Depending оn hоw уоu trеаt іt, сhаngе саn bе a gооd thing аnd іt’ѕ rеаllу up to you to tаkе thіѕ nеw dіrесtіоn аnd turn it to your аdvаntаgе. Hаndlе a brеаk up nicely, lеаrn frоm уоur past relationship and take a ѕtер fоrwаrd.

HANDLE A BREAKUP AND GET YOUR LOVE BACK

The way уоu hаndlе a breakup іѕ vеrу tеllіng оf where уоu are аt in уоur lіfе. Brеаkuрѕ аrе one оf the hardest things thаt happen іn lіfе. Romantic rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ аrе very hаrd to lеt gо оf. Wе hаvе our emotions аnd our hеаrtѕ involved and hеаrtbrеаkѕ аrе vеrу раіnful. It іѕ good tо know hоw tо handle a breakup іn a роѕіtіvе mаnnеr. Of соurѕе, your bасkgrоund, dеgrее оf ѕеlf-еѕtееm аnd your gеnеrаl state of wеll-bеіng рlау a key role іn this. But thеrе аrе ѕеvеrаl things that уоu can dо tо hеlр уоurѕеlf, and fееl bеttеr:

Don’t blame уоurѕеlf or аnуоnе: Blаmе оnlу makes thіngѕ more раіnful and does nоt solve аnу ѕіtuаtіоnѕ. You can accept rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу fоr уоur part аnd fоrgіvе yourself. Mаkе uр your mind thаt уоu will nоt dwеll оn things thаt аrе dоnе.

Bе раtіеnt: Pаtіеnсе іѕ a great аllу at this роіnt, еѕресіаllу if уоu wаnt to regain уоur rеlаtіоnѕhір. Dоn’t trу tо push уоurѕеlf on thе оthеr реrѕоn; thіѕ nеvеr wоrkѕ. Give thе оthеr реrѕоn space.

Go оut аnd do thіngѕ: If уоu hаvе nоwhеrе tо go, go wіndоw shopping, but don’t ѕtау іn уоur hоuѕе juѕt thіnkіng about іt.

Bе роѕіtіvе: Bеlіеvе that the best will соmе оf thіѕ breakup аnd thаt thе brеаkuр itself is a роѕіtіvе thіng, whеthеr уоu get bасk together оr nоt. Rеаdіng uрlіftіng books and stories is great for уоur inner wеllbеіng.

Be strong: If уоu асt in wауѕ thаt аrе healthy аnd good, you wіll become ѕtrоngеr аnd уоu wіll lіkе yourself bеttеr. This wіll hеlр you gеt thrоugh thе tоugh moments, and you will build character.

Dealing with a breakup

Have you ever held a sprout in your hand? Besides a butterfly’s wings, it must be one of the easiest things to break with just two fingers. Yet, these sprouts push their way with all their might through ground that you would struggle to even dent with a sledge hammer.

When you deal with the anguish of a sudden breakup, remember the humble sprout and its inner strength.

To many, a breakup can seem sudden. For example, you had plans to see a movie and then have dinner with your partner on Friday night, but you received a phone call from your partner on the Wednesday evening saying, “Sorry, but I just don’t want to see you anymore”. You try to call your partner back to find out why after all this time this decision was made so suddenly, but he never answers. You drive to his home, thinking that perhaps if you confronted him face to face you’d be able to sort things through. But he’s not there. Before you know it, a week of phone calls and visits to your partner’s house has gone by, and you still haven’t managed to connect. You finally realize – perhaps you will never connect… again.

For others a breakup may be gradual. For example, one evening you decide to tell your partner about something you did when you were younger. For some reason your partner finds this terrible and seems to reject you for the rest of the evening. ‘This is strange,’ you wonder, ‘he’s loved me for five years already, surely my past cannot take away what we’ve created in those five years’. Yet over the next couple of days you find yourself getting one word answers from your partner. Eventually, you have a major disagreement and your partner says, “That’s it. I’m outta here.” And with that he is gone. Once again, your partner refuses to answer your calls or see you. Any attempts you make to put things right are rejected.

Then there’s the more common scenario, where your partner simply doesn’t find you attractive anymore and has found someone else. You discover this after he has been seeing the other ‘friend’ for a couple of weeks already. ‘He must be working overtime,’ you wondered when he never came home from work on time.

Regardless of how your relationship has ended, it hurts. You may feel there were no warning signs, but there always are. All you need to do is take a step back and think about your partner’s warmth toward you weeks before he ended the relationship. Can you remember? Think hard now. Ahhh! It’s coming to you. That night he chose to eat all the ice-cream without offering you any, or was it that morning he chose to go to work without giving you a kiss on the lips?

There are always signs, but they are seldom too obvious. Being wrapped up in a dream that you alone created can easily keep you from seeing the alternative reality, and this is probably what happened to you.

It’s easy to look at the dark side of things after a breakup. Depression, though something that you never thought you would suffer from, is just waiting for you in the corner. If you think that it’s weird for you to feel like that, don’t. It’s a perfectly natural reaction after a breakup. After all, you and your significant other have cut ties. You will no longer be seeing each other after doing so regularly for the past few months or even years. You will have to deal with telling friends that you’re no longer together. You may even have to deal with the painful process of moving out or seeing them move out of your apartment. To put it simply, it’s a very painful process and depression is the natural way for a human being to cope with it. However, even if a breakup can turn your whole world upside down, it’s an experience that you can learn a lot from. In fact, it’s something that can teach you to be a stronger and wiser person.

When you think about why breakups hurt so much, it’s sort of weird. This is especially strange since most, if not all, breakups happen after the relationship has already turned sour. This means that the relationship was already on the rocks, and that both parties may have already considered the possibility of a breakup.

So, why exactly does it still hurt even if both parties already know what’s coming? For starters, breakups are sort of like businesses that go bankrupt after struggling for many months or years. Sure, the owners already knew what was already coming, but the whole bankruptcy thing still hurts – a lot.

To put it simply, it represents a huge loss, not just of a relationship, but also of dreams, commitments, promises, and so on and so forth. With that loss comes the disruption of everything that was part of that romantic relationship. I’m talking about your daily routine: You waking up next to him. You waking up to his texts or calls. You going out with your friends with him. You going out with him. As well as many more things that both of you shared and did. After a breakup, you’ll end up wondering what life will be like without your partner. You’ll ask yourself whether or not you will be able to find someone else, and even if you’ll end up alone.

The breakup and end of a relationship may feel a bit like losing a limb – the neural connections are there, but the motor nerves have gone. Or it is like playing a musical instrument that has a part missing, like a violin with three strings.

Because of this, you may even wish that you were part of an unhappy relationship, because at least, you wouldn’t be alone. Sure, breakups are hard, but there is a reason why it happened. It may be because you cheated, or your partner cheated, or maybe it just wasn’t working anymore. It doesn’t matter what lead to it; what’s important is what you do afterwards. What you have to do is keep on reminding yourself over and over again that you can and will move on from this. Remember, the healing process takes a whole lot of time. Be patient. Don’t rush things.

You need to recognize that the slew of emotions you’re feeling right now is perfectly normal. It’s okay to be sad and happy at the same time. It’s okay to be irritable too. It’s okay to feel depressed, confused, exhausted and so on and so forth. Sure, it may be the first time that you’ve felt this way, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not normal. While these emotions may come as a shock to you, you’ll eventually feel these less and less over time. If you don’t, then always take this as a sign that you’re just a person that once deeply cared for another person. While depression may last for years at a time, you should never let yourself be affected by it for such a long period of time. It may be easier said than done, but trust me, it’s all going to be worth it.

Can you make a living online?

Can you make it big as a YouTube sensation? Can you ever quit the day job, the one that purportedly causes you grief, and replace with a seemingly more interesting career, such as singing or posting internet videos?

Lots of people – women, in particular – seem to think so. Internet video sites – chief among them YouTube – are awash with videos of people posting on any topic of interest, and music videos of them performing their favourite song.

How is it possible to make a living from posting videos? That probably goes against what many people in traditional jobs have been brought up to believe.

The underlying dynamic about maing a living from posting videos is this. You are trying to get people to watch your vidoes. And it is not just about watching your video, but making them watch the entire video.

People that supposedly make a living from YouTube videos get paid depending on how long people watch their video for. If someone clicks on your video link and then clicks away after ten seconds, you’d have earned less that if someone watched three minutes of it.

Making a living from videos is also about making money from advertising. You can monetise your YouTube channel so that ads appear, perhaps at the start or somewhere in the middle, and if viewers are interested in your video enough to tolerate the ads you allow for, then you are rewarded for both.

What really helps if you have large viewership. If one thousand people watch a three-minute video each day, you could be raking in the cash. But you won’t get one thousand fans overnight, like a newspaper, readership is something you have to cultivate. Which is why a lot of people start working on their YouTube channels while they are still in other jobs, so that the moment they decide to take the plunge making a living online, they have paid their dues.

Making videos is one of the ways you can make a living online. Another is writing and starting up blogs. Both pretty much rely on readership and advertising, and on building up large numbers of readers. And for that reason, you’re going to have to read or blog or video-log about topics that people are going to be interested in, in the first place.

This is why you see an abundance of make-up videos and beauty tips in videos. That is a good starting point for women. After that, you can branch out to other fields. Zoella Suggs started out with beauty tips, got even more interest from her participation in The Great British Bake Off, secured a book deal and moved on to being an author. It is about leveraging interest in one field to springboard to another.

Most women blogs and YouTube channels deal with make-up, beauty tips, home-working, early retirement and travelling on a budget. Starting a YouTube channel with one of these themes is usually a good way to begin.

Sometimes people also start blogs or video channels to market their products. What products? Some may be beauty products, from which they earn commissions from. Or if you are looking for a digital product, an online course (usually on “How to make a living from YouTube”) is usually quite popular.

If you have not got the patience or time to build a big readership, there is another alternative you can try. You can make covers of other famous songs and hope that someone out there will notice your video and offer you either a singing job, or a contract. After all, young Justin Bieber was discovered when he was little via his videos on YouTube. But if you don’t like singing, or like to be videoed singing, and have a talent playing an instrument instead, you could make a cover of the song on your instrument. Piano covers seem to be popular, because on the piano you can play the tune and accompaniment at the same time.

In both cases you can also register your covers to be sold. Now, there are strict rules about selling other people’s work as your own, but in the case of music, you can apply for a mechanical license to market your covers. Really? Yes! You can apply for it via the Harry Fox Agency, indicate whose song you are covering and how many copies you intend to sell, and then the right to market it is dealt with for you – the royalties you pay to the original artist are taken care of you.

Thinking of becoming the next YouTube sensation? Start while you are still in education, or still in your existing job so that you develop a fan base that you can sell advertising to. Use your channel to sell advertising and secondary products, such as courses and music covers. And you never know, when you become well known enough, something else may come out of it – singing contract, book deal or theatre or movie role!

Why are women attracted to the idea of making an online living? Unfortunately this arises from having to balance work, family and children – and guilt. During the normal working hours we have to be responsible for children, so we have to look for other ways to restructure work around it. An online income offers another means of flexible living.

Women of Inspiration: Susan Carland

Susan Carland was born in Melbourne, Australia. A writer, sociologist and academic, Carland completed her PhD in the School of Political and Social Inquiry at Monash University in Melbourne in 2015. Her research and teaching focus on gender, sociology, terrorism and Islam.

The word I choose is hope – hope is a boat that we can get into when everything is difficult.

Q. What really matters to you?

What matters to me most – what drives me the most – is service. But I don’t believe service has to be grand; service is not only relevant on the scale of opening an orphanage, but includes those tiny acts of everyday service, whether they be to your own children or to your neighbour. Because the ultimately happy and content life is actually the life that you give away.

There’s a great quote attributed to Muhammad Ali that goes something like, ‘Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.’ That really makes sense to me and is something that I’ve tried to live within myself, though I fail regularly. I’m always telling my children to look for opportunities to help, even if it’s just when they see an older person struggling with a trolley in the supermarket. Because, in the end, a life of service is the only life that makes sense.

Raising my children with strong beliefs and values matters to me. I want them to be happy with who they are, but to never develop a sense of spiritual arrogance; I want them to see the core dignity in every human being and to respect that. It’s not about us and them – Muslim and non-Muslim – because we are all people and can only function as a society if we respect one another. I believe that every person is potentially good, so engaging with people with that in mind allows for respect; without respect, there’s an assumption of superiority – there is no dignity in an interaction like that.

It’s about giving people the benefit of the doubt, even when they probably don’t deserve it. It’s about dealing with people with compassion, even when we don’t want to. The challenge is to ask yourself what you can do to try and create the society that you want to be a part of and that you want to see flourish. We must deal with each other with compassion if we are going to counteract what is happening in the world.

I am Muslim. I had a very good experience in the Baptist church growing up, but, when I was seventeen I started to wonder why I believed what I did; I didn’t know whether it was the truth, so I started looking into other religions. There was a lot of noise surrounding Islam – the typical things Westerners and non-Muslims say about it being sexist, outdated and barbaric – but I realised that Islam was in fact the antithesis of what was being presented to me. And what was at the heart of it made a lot of sense. In fact, it felt like a continuation of what I was raised to believe.

After 9/11, I definitely started to feel the burden of the international representation of Islam. I remember people saying, ‘It’ll have to get better soon,’ but the negative representation hasn’t gone away. If anything, it’s escalating. But, even when I engage with people who are incredibly rude, I try to remember to give them the benefit of the doubt. I know how often I feel I’ve been wrong or changed my mind, so I have the awareness that other people, too, can change their minds.

Q. What brings you happiness?

It’s when I feel most useful. We live in a society in which there is so much noise and so much pressure for self-promotion and narcissism: ‘Pay attention to me! This is my CV!’ But I find contentment in the quiet life of service, in any capacity.

Q. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

True misery is when people have no hope, when they are in a situation they feel they cannot change. But, people can endure anything if they feel there is hope; even in situations of horrific injustice, inequality and fear, if they have hope, they will get through it. And if they don’t have hope, then it’s our responsibility to bring them hope.

Q. What would you change if you could?

I would change inequality. If you look at every injustice, pain or hurt, it comes from a place of inequality, of people crushing other people on a big level or small – in fact, I would struggle to find any problem in the world that didn’t have inequality at its heart. If we could get rid of that, things would be so different.

Q. Which single word do you most identify with?

Hope. Although, if someone were to describe me, they would probably say ‘trying’ – the sense of never achieving and always failing, but of keeping going. But, the word I choose is hope – hope is a boat that we can get into when everything is difficult.

Dealing with your husband’s mid-life crisis

Is your husband going through a mid life crisis? He has a long journey of self-discovery to go on first. Start thinking about yourself. You are the only person in this world over whom you have any control. You are also the only person in the world for whom you are responsible. That means you have a duty to yourself – to take care of yourself. It also means that you are not responsible for him or his actions, nor can you control him.

A marriage consists of two willing participants. If he is currently not a willing participant, then you can’t make him be. I’m not saying you have to give up on your marriage, you can hold out as long as you want to for him to return and some of these men do return and go on to have solid good marriages. I am saying that you need to understand that you are not doing yourself any good by continually focusing on your husband and your marriage. You cannot control either of them whilst he is not a willing participant. The only one you can control is yourself. I know that may not be what you want to hear, but that is how it stands.

It is true in all of our relationships that we cannot control and are not responsible for another, but it is crucial to understand this when it comes to a midlife crisis man. He is not doing this because he wants to hurt you, you have not caused it. It is simply a part of his development as a person and personal growth is, by definition, a one person project. You cannot influence it. To help you to learn to practice loving detachment from him and instead switch your focus onto yourself and getting yourself through this difficult time.

EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT
Emotional detachment is a way in which we can truly honor and respect another person. It means allowing them to live their life in the way they choose and not trying to intervene or to “help” them because we believe that we know better for them. If you can truly detach from your husband then you will not be basing your own wellbeing on him and his behavior, you will be accepting that although he is making choices that hurt you he is making the best decisions he is capable of for himself at this point in time.

Detaching really does mean accepting that you have no control over or responsibility for him and accepting that he will do whatever he is going to do and you cannot change it. Detaching does not mean stopping caring, but it does mean stopping being affected so badly by your husband’s choices. I’m not going to claim it is easy, it is very, very difficult when you have been basing your happiness around him. It is however, very necessary to your emotional wellbeing that you try to let yourself be affected as little as possible by him.

You have to understand and remember that his crisis is not about you and it is not aimed at you, it will only affect you to the extent you allow it to. Of course it will affect you, this is your husband we are talking about, but you DO have control over whether you allow it to destroy you and your life or whether you choose to detach as much as you can in order to take care of yourself.

I use the term “loving detachment” because it is not about trying not to care, of course you care. It’s more about saying “I love you enough that, despite the fact that it hurts me and I do not understand, I will not interfere in what you are choosing to do. I will be here waiting should you choose to come back to our marriage, but I also love myself enough that I cannot allow myself to be destroyed by your choices in the meantime”.

It is incredibly difficult to detach. It is also the best thing you can do for yourself. The more you focus on yourself the less you will be able to focus on him. So turn your attention and energy away from him and all that you cannot control. I am advocating that you devote your energy toward taking care of yourself in order to survive and not make his crisis your crisis.

How do you start taking care of yourself? That is such a big question that it can stop you from even trying. Your world has been turned on its head. All your stability and normality has been torn away from you and even when you are able to think about starting to take care of yourself, you have no idea which steps to take first.

The starting place is different for each one of us. Your own thoughts will lead you to the place you need to begin. They will constantly drag you back to the place you need to focus on. Let me explain……. The aspects that our minds dwell on are our own particular demons. They are the places that we get stuck for reasons of our own, they are aspects of our own weaknesses and our own conditioning that come out under stress. Until we address them we can’t become the whole healthy person we need to be.

Let’s take a moment to look at some of the common places we get stuck that prevent us from starting to take care of ourselves and detach from our husband.

BLAME
It’s a cycle that many of us go through, we fall to blame, it appears to offer some answers, but beware, it is a trap! It’s just a way to perpetuate the misery. If you find yourself living in, with, or for, blame, it’s time to stop it. Moving past blame is your place to start. Yes, I know that’s hard, but until you can manage it, you cannot move forward, it is purely destructive. The constructive is to be found in responsibility. Taking responsibility for yourself and your actions, recognizing and refusing to own the things are not your responsibility. One very important aspect is acknowledging what is his responsibility, not blaming him, just noticing and accepting fact. The truth of his midlife crisis is that it’s his responsibility, all his choices all his actions are his alone, only he has control, only he has responsibility. Blame won’t help you deal with it, but accepting that you are not responsible and cannot control the situation can help you deal with it.

SELFLESSNESS
Another of the ways we try to deal with this ordeal is by being totally selfless. Compromising ourselves, our beliefs and our values in order to support him, or win him back, or just to have to avoid dealing with ourselves, is not good. You need to become selfish and importantly, being selfish is really not so awful. You need to begin your process of looking after yourself by wrestling with this demon. Until you can do that it will keep coming back to haunt you, holding you back from loving yourself. Understanding this area will also help you deal with his selfishness in a different way.

NOT SETTING YOUR BOUNDARIES
You might find that you are constantly doing things you feel uncomfortable with in order to accommodate your husband’s wants or supposed needs. Whenever you feel uncomfortable doing something for him or because of him, you are compromising your own boundaries.

This is a time in your life when you can and need to define your own boundaries. Not having boundaries and not upholding boundaries is very unhealthy. People who don’t uphold their boundaries are often thought of as ‘doormats”, they allow people to walk all over them. In order for you to take care of yourself, it is really important to decide what you will accept and what you will not accept in the ways you are treated. It is time to stand up for yourself and protect what is important to you. It is certainly not a case of being harsh or cold, simply a matter of deciding to protect yourself from more hurt.

What if you still don’t know where to start? Those first three examples of areas that might be major issues for you tend to be the most common ones. But what if that doesn’t feel right for you or you just don’t feel ready to tackle those demons yet?

You need to take your focus off your situation and how to cope with it and focus instead on how you are and what you need in order to cope with it. If a friend were to come to you and describe the situation that you are facing, what would you do? What would you want to do for her? Listen to her, show her support, be there for her, take her out for lunch? Whatever you would do for a friend, why can you not do that much for yourself?

Treat yourself with at least as much kindness as you would show to a friend.

Pampering yourself may be the furthest thing from your mind at the moment, I understand, but what harm can it do? How can being good to yourself damage anything? How can it not help you? Try it and see. Even just one tiny little gesture to start with.

There’s also gratitude. It may seem odd to start thinking about gratitude at this point too. I know it can feel that there is not a lot to be grateful for when your marriage and your life are falling apart. You don’t want any of this to be happening, but it is and you can’t stop it, what’s to be grateful for in that? This is where you need to come all the way back to basics and have a bit of a perspective shift. There are so many things still to be grateful for, there really are, and once you can begin to notice them again, you will be shifting your mind to a more positive place from which so much more is possible than it is in the dark, negative pit.

Romantic weekend? Stick to the traditional tried and tested

If your significant other were to propose a weekend away, what would come first to your mind? The traditional romantic getaway would be to sunny places and beaches, to lie on the sand, experience the call of the waves, wind in your hair, rays of the sun under a shade of a palm tree. According to the website blue-mist.co.uk, the town of St Ives would be your ideal location, with its harboured coasts and beaches. There are many things to do away from the coast, such as arts and crafts.

But what if you were looking for something different, but still wanted the option of the coast? Another location you might want to consist is Brighton in East Sussex, where you can see the British coastline, shaped by natural forces for over centuries. The website spooky origins of Brighton. Go on a ghost walk, and hold your hands tightly!

One thing you may wish to avoid is your traditional pursuits on a special weekend, no matter how enticing they may be. Yes, I’m talking about shopping. If you’re going to have a short break away, why waste two or three hours in the shops? Furthermore, it is a recipe for breakup, above all else.

My personal experience has shown that men are incapable of sustaining the shopping momentum for prolonged periods above an hour and a half. Now when you go shopping you need time to take in all the options available and make a decision. There is not much point looking on the internet beforehand because the true surprises aren’t listed there, especially for small shops who are more focussed on sales than maintaining their website. So you have to walk around to take in what’s available, hold it in your mind and then make a decision.

Unfortunately this concept cannot be grasped by the average man, a one-track minded individual incapable of multi tasking. The next time you go shopping with your other, watch what happens after the hour and a half mark. His concentration starts to wane, he becomes a completely different creature, borders on irritation, and then you are rushed into making a decision to placate him. The problem, as we know, is that rushed decisions are bad decisions, so we end up buying something else that in hindsight isn’t a good decision. And the other hand blows up when he realises it is back to the shops again to exchange for something else.

I’ve lost count of the many times when I’ve wanted to say “If you just gave me a few more minutes to decide, I would have bought the correct thing and we needn’t have gone back”. And spending time to consider all options isn’t something only women do. Ever followed a man to a computer shop to buy a laptop? The next time he complains about your shopping, tell him.

So, yes, shopping on a short weekend away is probably not a good idea, unless you were looking for a reason to break up with someone. It is better to stick with something traditional and safer!